Self Image

Good afternoon all my lovely friends!! I'm sure its going to be a busy weekend for so many of you! From graduations, to weddings, to remembering loved ones. Whatever it may be, I hope you all have a great weekend!! :)

This weeks topic is going to be about self image! Now, I bet reading that, a lot of you probably got distant, or even a little hesitant. But, I want to reassure you and let you know, this is going to help a lot of you! I'm hoping every single person that reads this! This is a very touchy subject, especially to women of all ages. We are very self conscious creatures. I don't care who you are, you compare, you critique, you sigh, you get frustrated, or maybe even are proud of your body and who you are. There is so much to talk about when it comes to self image. So, I'm going to dig deep. I'm going to unravel my story about where I came from. I'm going to deep dig into your hearts and let you know you're not alone and that there is billions of other women and men out there that question themselves and their appearance. So, sit back, snuggle up, because its story time.

When I was 14 years old I went to California for my very first photo shoot.  I didn't really know what to expect other than I was in California and I was super excited to be with my best friend Charlie, and we were going to be taking pictures!  So we get to the photographers house where he had his studio set up with the white back drop. When I saw that backdrop I knew he meant business and that's when I got super duper excited! So, he had hired makeup artists to do our makeup and hair, and so we sat down and they went ahead and did just that! Seriously was the most amazing experience and I hadn't even shot yet! Once we began shooting I instantly fell in love and was bound and determined to model. The shots turned out amazing, I was 14 and looked like I was 18. The photographer had nothing but great things to say, and said I should consider modeling! Well, when we got the prints back I loved the lighting, the outfits, the attitude, but I saw a little belly fat that I did NOT like at all.  Right there, in that exact moment friends, my life changed. I immediately thought that I was fat and I needed to be skinnier and I was going to do whatever it took to get to my goal. As soon as I got back from my trip I started up looking up nutrition and ways to lose weight. I am not kidding when I say I was obsessed with nutrition and weight loss. I researched for hours on end. I researched ingredients, nutritional facts of every food I ate, how much models needed to weigh, how much I could intake to survive but yet lose weight. It was awful. So, in less than a month I lost 10 lbs just from starving myself. I had it in my head that 110 lbs was the ideal weight and I was going to be able to model and be skinny enough. But of course, once you get there, that's not good enough so you keep going, right? Its always a vicious cycle. Well, I kept going. I would eat no more than 800 calories a day. Plus, I exercised like there was no tomorrow. I would wake up, do 100 sit-ups, run, go to school. Eat a sandwich and apple for lunch. Have Cheer practice for 2 hours. Go home, eat maybe a half cup of dinner my mom made, go to sleep, wake up and do it all over again. I continued this horrific routine all of my sophomore year of high school. I felt so terrible and was so malnourished I don't even remember that year.  That is no lie, I barely remember what I learned, and to be completely honest I don't even know how I passed my classes.  All I did was think about how many calories I was burning, what I was going to eat that day, how much calories I've had for that day and what I would workout. Day in and day out that was my life. I finally got down to 104 lbs and was super ecstatic about it and was not going to change a thing about it! My dear friend Whitney at the time was the only person I would ever hang out with. Everyone else would lecture me about my weight and it shut me off in an instant.  I fought with my parents constantly.  I even was forced to go to a therapist and I ended up walking about because I was so frustrated and for obvious reasons, ridiculously stubborn.  It wasn't until the next year on my 15th birthday Whitney made me the most adorable photo album of us together. She put pictures of us as kids, and all the years in between, up to the year of my birthday. This was the second moment in my life that made me change forever. I was looking at pictures of myself and saw how horribly skinny I was. How the color of my skin was almost gray-green from being so malnourished. My arms were like little twigs, and I was so skinny my hip bones just stuck out as well as my ribs. I saw what I was doing to myself and I just snapped and decided modeling was not worth my health. I began to eat, and eventually got my weight up. Here is the side note to all of this. For anyone who tries to starve themselves as a way of losing weight, let me tell you something, when you begin to eat again, you WILL gain weight. Its a fact Jack. No if, and, or buts about it! I went from 104-140 lbs in a year. My body was in such starvation mode that whatever I ate it just stored it for energy. So! Starving yourself is never a good solution for losing weight. Trust me, I'm a living testimony of it.

Now, this whole time, from when I was 14, I knew what I wanted to look like! I always wanted to be toned and fit, and have the muscles and yet I didn't know how to achieve that goal, so I went all the wrong ways about it! It wasn't until I began to do my NPC Bikini competing that I saw the results that I wanted! Now, I'm not saying you have to do that to get your body, but from my last blog, doing the three steps is so crucial to achieving that body! So what does this mean to you then? I'm so glad you asked....

I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and say "I. Am. Beautiful!" And I want you to say that as many times as it takes until you realize how special and beautiful you are! Us women are sooooo hard on ourselves. Wanting to be perfect, wanting a better butt, or wanting boobs, or wanting better legs. Well guess what? Don't we all! We all have that thing about us that we want different. We all have that little voice in our heads that is critiquing us and is bringing us down, but guess what, its ourselves that does it. Yes, sometimes we have someone that makes rude comments and is hard on us, but its up to us whether we let them effect us or not. Right? Here's an example for you...

I heard about these CHARMING ( not ) gentlemen at the local gym I train at, that were saying awful things about me. Why? Who knows, and quite frankly, who cares? Did I let it effect me? Yes, but then I realized, my happiness and confidence in myself is not worth their insecurities.

Its up to us to believe in ourselves and put in the hard work for change. And some things we can not change, and those are the things you have to realize that make you, YOU! Everyone is created special. Everyone is unique in their own way! Which is what makes us beautiful! And for the things we can change, I guarantee, if you put in the effort and the hard work, you WILL see change. Believe me, I've been doing this fitness journey for 3 years now and the progress I've seen over the years is just insane! But it starts with believing in yourself! So...let me ask you? Do you believe in yourself?

My quote for the day, "The most inspiring thing a person can do is believe in themselves." by me.

Another quote that makes me smile is this, "Tell the negative committee in your head to sit down and shtutup!"

Have a great weekend everyone! Please subscribe to my blog! Just click "Join this site" over on the right hand side --------------------------->

And remember, I believe in you, no matter if no one else does, I do. And I am here for you no matter what!

xoxoxoxo <3